So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
