WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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