I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
