Buhtt sex?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
