i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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