Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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