you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
