I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
