I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Randomize
