new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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