shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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