Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
