I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
