bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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