you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize