someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
