I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
