I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sick fucks of a feather flock together
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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