"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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