Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
