I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
