and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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