Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
