i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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