true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
