i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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