How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
