i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
