I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
