Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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