i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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