I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize