Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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