glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
