There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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