You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
