I think I won the penis lottery.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
