I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
