oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
