In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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