Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
