and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
