P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
