No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
