i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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