"it" just moved
She said her name was "party"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize