Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
