i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
