i just wanna soil my oats bro
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
