Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
