everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
