when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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