Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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