if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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