I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
