Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
