it's like iHOP with fire
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
