I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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