He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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