His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
