i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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