so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
