No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
