i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
