with your own penis?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
