HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How's work?
Spinning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The air taste purple.
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