I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize