my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
