You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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