Screwed.edu
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
