I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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