Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
